Out of Control

There's already no doubt what the lesson of 2009 will be for me.  As a self-help seminar, it would be entitled "How to go about living when you want something out of your control".

The first exercise in this lesson started early in the year and is ongoing:  every month we wait to see if we've finally managed to line up all the stars just right in order to make a baby.  We've tried controlling it as much as we possibly can - keeping track of basal body temperatures and other functions of the female body you (and I) would rather not see actually spelled out on the computer screen and planning our procreating attempts around those details.  But it seems that a little more magic might be necessary in our case than in so many of those around us.

The second lesson started last week when a For Sale sign went up in our front yard and the sale of our home became dependent upon just the right person driving by or pulling up our listing online.  There's so little we can do to make that happen.  We just sit and wait, hoping for any showing, then hoping that this showing will be the one.  I'm not good at sitting and waiting.  I prefer meeting challenges head on, calling, doing, organizing, arranging - you know, being in control.

As a like-minded neighbor pointed out recently, I've always been able to achieve what I want through hard work and discipline.  Those don't seem to matter in these issues we face now that are so critical and important - some of the most important things we'll do in life even.  There's nothing about me or my personality or how I do things that can help achieve these goals.  I can only rely on myself to cope happily in the meantime.  To continue to live life fully and in the moment, even while we wait and hope for something else.

It's a delicate balance for a klutz such as myself.  Looks like I'm going to have some time to practice my act, though.

I'll start by heading to the kitchen - we need some muffins in the freezer and then dinnertime will call.  Chocolate cherry muffins and salmon with beets.  What do you think?